Car stunt porno
Only clocked two minutes into Gone in 60 Seconds and one of the car stealing cretins yells, "This ain't the Dukes of Hazzard!"
Well, actually it is.
If you were to take a Dukes episode, give it less script (if that's even possible), but a car-destroying multi-multi-million dollar budget; you would have 60 Seconds. That's not a compliment.
Typical Dukes plot: one of our boys is in a jam, and his buds have to get him out. Meantime foil the truly bad guys and the clueless cops.
60 Seconds plot: one of our boys is in a jam, and his buds have to get him out. Meantime foil the truly bad guys and the clueless cops.
The movie is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, a man known for flicks that are big on explosions, such as Armageddon or Con Air and way short on niceties such as character development, good acting, or subtlety. Gone tracks that road like a Viper.
"Good acting" brings up another key point: the movie features three Academy Award winning actors: Nicholas Cage, Robert Duvall, and Angelie Jolie. All I can say is this: you wave enough money under their noses, you can get any Hollywood SAG-dues-payer to appear in anything.
The plot, and I'm being extremely generous here, has Nicholas Cage coming to the rescue of his younger brother, who's played by Giovanni Ribisi. Gio FUBARed a car theft, which left his boss less than impressed with his job performance. If Cage doesn't steal 50 cars in 72 hours, the kid is offed. (Watch how the onscreen countdown decrements if you see. Notice how two onscreen seconds tick off for every second of real-time.)
Cage gathers various thieves to assist the op. And just why on Earth someone would commit crimes for someone they barely or don't know is a "plot" point that's glossed over quickly. (The whole movie is on shaky moral ground anyway, so what's a little more turpitude?) They scout the cars and then heist them all in one night. Whoopee.
Dialogue is a groaner. During action lulls we get a few heart-to- heart confessions. Not unlike Billy Job Bob Clyde Thorton in Armageddon. Angelie Jolie, truly one of the most stunning women acting in movies nowadays, has some jaw-droppingly bad exchanges with Cage that are guaranteed to put your teeth on edge.
Cliches abound. When inexperienced dumbass accompanies the pros on a boost, what are the odds he's gonna suffer the consequences? When Cage drives hell-for-leather, what are the odds that traffic, handy exits, ramps, and detours will work out exactly in his favor? The "tension" mounts.
Also not unlike The Dukes of Hazzard, a car is the star of the show. Instead of a '69 Dodge Charger R/T , it's Shelby Mustang GT 500. This is truly a rare, incredibly powerful car. It even does a jump that would make the General Lee proud if the F/X of the GT "jumping" weren't so laughable. Since GT 500s are as rare has hen's teeth, one can only hope that was a replicar and not the real McCoy suffering the damage that it takes.
The movie is stupid beyond belief. If it was on tape, you'd fast forward past all the talk and setup to get to the action. That's why the "car stunt porno" blurb is at the top.
If you need a car stunt fix, then go. Otherwise no.
Movie's suitability for:
