I'm no parent, so I'm like a consultant: one of those leeches who latches onto a company and tells them how to run their company. Usually because they were too cowardly to institute a change, so they have the consultant be the scapegoat if it doesn't work. You can use me for the same thing.

Today's parents fail because of these factors:

Television
Which in itself is not evil. It's been a source of information disemination (and its yang side: propoganda broadcasting) unlike the world has ever seen. After all, are you old enough to have been staring fascinated at the tube when Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon?

All parents have to do is:
• Monitor how much they watch. There are other things a child can do besides staring slack-jawed for seven hours straight at the Tube.
• Monitor what they watch. They're children. Not all things on TV are suitable for all people. You are the parent. You have to be the guiding light.
• Watch programs with your children. When it's over, you can discuss the show with them. Being a parent means interacting with them. Do so.

Schoolwork
Take an interest in what your child is doing in school. If you begin with the child at an early age showing that you are interested, then that will compel the child to do better. Help them with their homework. (Don't do it for them. Guide them to the correct answer.) Growing up to be a good citizen is based on an informed, educated citizen. Developing no study habits whatsoever just means they're prepared for the exciting life of fast food serving or glassed-in booth gas station attendant. Don't you want them to do better than that?

Punishment
I've seen parents do things which positively amaze me: they let their child be an unruly monster or they talk to the child as if he or she is a miniature adult and can aptly follow their scintillating reasoning why what the child did was bad and should not be repeated.

Oh, give me a break.

Children are unthinking monsters who every once in a while will do something they shouldn't. Sometimes they go too far and need to be punished for their transgressions.
And punishment consists of the physical kind.
Before all of you bleeding whiners run rampant with flame mail zapped my direction, hear me out:

The punishment consists of:
• one or two pops to the child's rear with the parent's hand
• no hitting the child anywhere else
• no use of belts or other utensils to intensify the pain

That's what I say. And if I had children, this is how I would raise them. If you have commonsense ideas that work for you, then so much the better. But as of right now I see parents everywhere not doing these things and basically creating a nation of ill-mannered, uneducated cretins. Prove me wrong.

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