"First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." Shakespeare

Yes, it never fails to get back to the masters for that perfect phrasing.

Hey it's one thing to see lawyers actually doing their jobs: defending citizens, seeking deserved damages; but it quite another to see their work nowadays.

Lawyer firms generate millions of dollars in fees in suits that drop my jaw. Especially class action suits. These seem to be designed for the lawyer firms to generate the maximum cash with minimum social responsibilty.

There was the GM pickup truck exploding gas tank suit. The settlement: a $1000 off coupon towards another pickup is what the pickup owners got. Meanwhile, the lawyers got millions of dollars. So how come they weren't paid in coupons also?

A class action suit involving some airline with its frequent flier miles program was another moneymaker for lawyers. Again, the consumers, assuming that they could be traced, got more coupons.

A tobacco suit was and still is a goldmine for some law firm. Suppose the plaintiffs do win? What will the settlement be? More coupons for free cigs?

As I spoke about overhead or asset-draining pursuits, these are perfect examples. On top of that, another failing of American law is the stupefying amounts/kinds/types of communications--letters, mail, e-mail--which can be subpoenaed from a company or person. That's a company-buster in itself. And the company has to provide the docs even if the lawsuit is frivolous.

After all, all lawyers have to do is put a suit in the courts on a contingency basis--frivolous or not. If the plaintiffs don't win, then lawyers walk away. If there is a win, then lawyers rake out one helluva big cut off the top. So the person seeking damages ends up with relatively little for their pain and suffering--an ironic twist of events.

And who knows? The frivolous lawsuit could still be decided in the plaintiff's favor. His lawyers have a vested interest to pursue the case. Plus the defendant may want to settle out of court just to get rid of the lawsuit--due to obscene cost of going to court just to defend one's self. So think about it: the lawyers get money just from the threat of a lawsuit, not from winning it.

Excuse me, this doesn't strike me as right. If there's a genuine grievance, then fine. Sue the bastards. But to clog the courts with cases which have no real merit and yet can still be unrightfully decided their way; that is something that I find outrageous.

If there was one change to the American legal system to make it all better for all of us, it would be this:

Loser pays.

You bring a frivolous lawsuit to court and the decision goes to the defendants, then you get hammered and pick up the cost.

Not your formerly well respected lawyer firm; you. It'd most likely be tens of thousands of dollars to cover the trial's cost. And that check better not bounce.

Class action suits could be even better. The lawyers should get the same settlement as their plaintiffs: so coupons it is. If the lawyers lose, since after all they're basically repping themselves in these fee generators, then they pay the millions of dollars in court costs. Millions since these cases frequently drag on for years.

Now I don't know about you, but if I was faced with being liable for that much cost if I don't win, then I'd make damn sure I had a good case. After all, that's what suing someone is all about: when there is a grievance which needs righted. Which takes place in the courts.

But then there's the cold water: Congress as a body consists of surprise! lawyers. And lawyer firms lobby Congress hard with their cash to keep our "excellent" judicial system just the way it is. (Read: milk that cash cow for all it's worth.) Given the old boy aspect of Congress, I'm not holding my breath on this changing for the better. Even tho nearly every industialized nations' laws are just that: loser pays.

Hey, it's a thought.

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